Carpe Coffee |_|)

Drink Deeply

2008-01-01T01:01:00.000-08:00

Thanx for stopping by! These posts have been moved to my new blog, Drink Deeply, where I've continued blogging so I do hope you'll stop over for a dram.. (|_|*ch33rs*|_|)

"Advice is a form of nostalgia,.."

2007-08-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

Words known by their salient point, 'Wear Sunscreen' became known as the alleged MIT commencement speech given by author Kurt Vonnegut. Made famous by that internet hoax a decade ago, it's actually an essay titled "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" written by Mary Schmich and published in her Chicago Tribune column in 1997. "It was quite witty, but not my wittiness," Vonnegut generously said to Mary. Not only is it indeed witty but I quite agree!

This musical form of the essay is a successful remix of Quindon Tarver's "Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)", from the 1996 film 'William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet'. Utilizing his 'Romeo + Juliet' soundtrack, Baz Luhrmann orchestrated the melding of media that is "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)". He released it on the 1998 album 'Baz Luhrmann Presents: Something For Everybody'. Its first video, which was directed and animated by Bill Barminski, uses a "1999" edit of the song. The most recent video venture to be inspired by this song is the Sunscreen Movie.

(_)> “Here's my advice: Go ahead and be wacky. Get into a crazy frame of mind and ask what's funny about what you're doing.” - Roger Von Oech

Preliminary Perspectives...

2006-05-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

...on Anarchy w/more to come. As it is not my intent to provide an overview of Anarchy itself, this is a good option: 'Anarchy in the Here and Now!'

(_)> "The movie examines anarchy movements and acts of terrorism, which could be misinterpreted as a call to arms against corrupt governments. But moviegoers who look deeper will understand that the film actually argues for the participation of the masses in governing their own countries." - Jeff Vice

The quote is in reference to 'V for Vendetta' which I have yet to see but this aptly expresses why I already want to own it.

PS: I've since seen it & will own it yet..

Motion born of emotion _

2006-04-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

Change is inevitable, whether it comes from within or is prompted by outward forces. What seems chaotic seldom is. In turn, what appears insignificant cannot really be so. There are those who would have you believe that to affect your destiny or create the very change you want, you need only think it hard enough - w/sufficient belief. While it's certainly true that our outlook absolutely impacts our fate, it is a far more symbiotic relationship. Directed thinking touches on just how very much our minds & bodies interact but is only a beginning.

Our psyches & somas are not mere partners in crime. Each is wholly impacted by the other. Being the proud owner of various psychosomatic diseases not only makes me feel a little psycho @ times but actually causes numerous others to assume it's true. Of course, the reality is that what is preexisting (not to mention very real ;->) physically is affected psychologically. Unfortunately, that can then create a vicious cycle. Should I get discouraged or - God forbid - panic, I both lessen my ability to cope w/my physicality & actually worsen.

Endorphins are our body's best gift to us & the scientific reason to laugh. By seeking out change in any form, be it that sudden burst of laughter or an entire lifestyle upheaval, we keep from stagnating. There is nothing so downwardly mobile as inaction. Stillness is a reprieve, an opportunity to rejuvenate, but staying still too long devolves. If you find yourself still still even after an idea has cropped up or simply a readiness to do whatever is next on your list, you will not only lose motivation but desire.

W/out desire, we would all accept status quo as an ideal reality. Okay, pardon me while I take a moment to be downright frightened. What is especially frightening is that I have seen that non-approach to life employed time & again. What is so sad is how unnecessary such inaction is. Tho' it is easy to imagine change is perhaps not even just hard but maybe even impossible, remember it really doesn't take much. Alas, that works both directions. Each opportunity is a fork in the road & the missed ones will keep you from a myriad of other opportunities as well.

On the other hand, each moment seized opens a new world. That world we have created & recreated w/each decision expands by leaps & bounds the more open we are to new things. Sometimes, the best new things are revisitations of old ones. For example, while a smile is far from new, adding one in an unexpected place &/or to an unsuspecting recipient, will create a chain reaction which will change your whole day. Furthermore, when I knew it was time for drastic change 2 years ago (Does it get more drastic than returning to full-time employ?! -_-), I revisited old ideas & realized that it was the video stores I enjoyed most of my 2 decades in retail.

Thus, we can direct our own lives & daily experiences powerfully but not w/thought alone. A friend shared her daily horoscope w/me today & I particularly liked the included advice, "make the decision to respond, instead of react". Whereas reaction is born of emotion, response is an acting on it which utilizes thought too. Therefore, you become proactive, now reacting w/intelligence which creates ideas & finally motion. Once in motion, you can steer your own course. Admittedly, we do not have control over outcome & course corrections will always be needed yet, if we're plotting new paths, just the journey is worth the effort. Whether or not it leads where you want or ANYwhere @ all, strike out, be bold, take strides &, above all, try something new (or anew ^_^)!

(_)> "The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life." - Count Leo Tolstoy

It's not about 'churchianity'.

2006-04-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

Easter has gone by,
just as Passover passed over, & Spring is springing. Thus, rebirth is in the air. My own rebirth actually came towards the end of summer but human cycles are not always in sync w/planetary ones. It was the Spring prior that the seeds of my emergence were germinated tho'. Long dormant, they slowly sprang to life amidst questions I tho't I had answered. Renewed questions led to intriguing challenges et voila. Granted, I had to not only be ready to seek new answers but willing to be changed by them.

Speaking of questions, what form are they taking in your mind? Did I "find God"? "Discover religion"? Become a "Jesus freak"? Yes and no to all 3 & many more. I finally addressed God in a new way for I already knew he existed. I ultimately recognized the point of religion. I discerned a desire to be Christ-like which, by the way, is *all* 'Christian' means. Tho' I am one, I am still not religious, nor am I pious (I swear ;->) &, most importantly, I feel no sense of being better than ANYone. In fact, quite the opposite.

How can we seek to become more in tune w/ourselves, God, others, the Universe or what have you w/out wholly accepting how very imperfect we are? It's important to not take refuge in our faults, either as excuse or from some twisted sense of pride. Oh, the humanity of it all, literally! We are all alike; wondrous yet infinitely flawed, individual while part of a whole, doomed & destined for greatness. The thing is, it's just TOO synchronous, even when & where out of kilter for "out of" implies that there is kilter to be had.

My point?! We're not an accident - there is a far larger picture thus a much greater wisdom. Be it Bradbury's 'Butterfly Effect' or the planets themselves, there is a source. Whatever you believe, or don't believe for that matter, I do believe in one true God. True being the key word for therein lies absolute Truth of which we have only pieces. As archaic as so simple a creed may seem, it is precisely its simplicity that allows its plausibility. With all things working together for good, despite all our interference via free will, I see everything as part of God's plan.

You see, I also recognize the myriad other possibilities in our existence & beyond. It is precisely because I understand there to be a source, a beginning that is also an end, a cycle of creation both coming & having gone full circle, that I cannot help but see how truly anything IS possible. For God to be who I have faith He is, there is nothing w/which He can be mutually exclusive. The real beauty of this all is that, while I had an actual epiphanic moment on August 11th of 1986, each of you will grapple w/these truths in your own way. It is utterly not my place to even imagine you should think as I do.

Whatever my belief in a greater, singular Truth, its impact on you is inherently different. While the questions & especially doubts hold the same importance for all of us, just getting us questioning is key. What should be naught but a pursuit of truth, has become so many various forms of Religion that what was born of noble intent is defeating itself. Religion has become exclusive rather than inclusive, a system of judging rather than growing &, worst of all, a means of condemnation rather than salvation.

I do not believe all religions to be aspects of the same principle or even journeys to the same goal. Instead, they are cultural traditions which are simply how we each interface w/our internal journey. They each have beauty & will all serve individual needs. However, what we have come to know as churches, whatever size, shape or sort, are neither Christian or non-Christian. Just as w/any tradition, they can lead or distract. Christianity, aside from 'Christian churches' (of which there are both bad & good, as w/anything else man-made), is in fact just a relationship.

I truly hope this did not come off as preachy. It was intended as purely observational for it, as w/each post herein, was simply where my musings led.

(_)> "Every one who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the Universe-a spirit vastly superior to that of man, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble." - Albert Einstein

I left my <3..

2006-03-24T03:04:00.000-08:00

Identity is a wily thing. So oft, the more people try to be different, the more alike they become. Worse yet, there are times when we forfeit who we are to keep our sense of self. How's that for the ultimate irony? Just as w/all journeys in life, including life itself ~_^, it's a long & winding road. *cue Sheryl Crow* In our determination to not only be true to ourselves but discover that very truth, we have to be willing to take risks & be wrong. Moreover, find the courage to admit when we are wrong, especially about ourselves.

Whether it's a trench coat worn straight from Granddad's closet until they started becoming popular or justified compromises, neither sentiment or yearning should be ignored. In fact, our logic needs to be informed by our feelings. Choices can only lead to happiness when made from desire. There is nothing more grounding than a decision entirely of your own accord. So firmly seated in this ride called life will you be that nothing can shake you. That is where self-confidence is born.

In a moment of clarity, wherein you are doing something because it is right for YOU, you will not only see yourself clearly but others too. It will no longer matter if you are not perceived as the unique individual you know yourself to be &, beautifully enough, such an epiphany will most likely lead to your uniqueness shining through. *cue Cyndi Lauper* Rather than recloseting a coat so as not to appear trendy, the continued use of it simply connected me to the most important man in my life. (W/out whom, Dave's similar soul wouldn't have been recognized.)

Herein lies the rub, it is perception - even, if not especially, our own - that cannot be allowed to rule. That is the system, of which we are an inadvertent part, that we must buck to remain real. The desire to belong is potent but unnerving. How does one find acceptance via truth only to self? By first reveling in our parting of ways & disparate paths then gratefully embracing those that find their way back to the same places as we. San Francisco is such a place, especially in my immediate family.

Not only was I born near there but have since proven the impact of environment, even via the womb, for I became a neo-hippie far removed from my pre-birth days at Haight & Ashbury. Despite the influence you are no doubt assuming, my mother was quite removed from her hippie days as well. Before her removal though, during an uneasy time living just outside the City by the Bay, any chance to cross the bridge became a saving grace. In turn, while I was growing up stifled in central California, trips to that city of my heart *cue Tony Bennett* were my salvation. Later, Dave & I created some of our best moments in good ol' SF.

Now, completely apart from Momma & I, my brother has found a home in the very city I grew up thinking would be my home someday. So, despite being outrageously different people & all 3 on astonishingly separate paths, we each found salvation across a bridge or two on a peninsula that defies description. San Francisco is hometown to none yet a home of sorts to all &, best of all, an actual home to one. Welcome home, Jordan Wynden Leigh! What a joy to be able to reunite my heart in tandem for it resides both w/you & your city.

(_)> "I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars
Climb halfway to the stars!" - Douglass Cross

"I care ... what I am to myself."

2006-03-03T03:56:00.000-08:00

Tho' damaged goods in many ways, the most literal is that I'm brain-damaged. So you may have heard, even if not entirely understood, given that I am still fairly smart & rather capable. Alas, I used to be smarter & much more capable. Of course, smarts in this scenario consist largely of knowledge. Moreover, access to it. Thankfully, intelligence reaches beyond information.

As for capable, I cannot do - much less follow - nearly as much as I once did (w/out even a second thought). Ironically, thought is now equally difficult and necessary as I repeatedly sort out how things are done. The simplest things can give me the most difficulty at any time. My pseudo-functionality ranges from teaching myself daily tasks again & again to figuring out how shoelaces are tied when it's been a while since I wore my boots.

Amidst the ongoing struggle just to function, the lack of memories is hardest. Context is key to accessing familiar info but, the further an event or fact gets, the less context it has. It's troublesome enough finding ways to compile the day to day data yet significantly easier than trying to remember anything already past. Most elusive are personal memories as, beyond the lack of a framework, there are so few sources for clues.

However, from what little I *can* remember, what I knew of myself before the drain bamage was surprisingly spare. Therefore, you would think the inability to remember things about me, even the innocuous facts that seem to comprise me, would be something I should utterly understand. Yet, perhaps precisely due to having so little access to who I am on my own, I am unduly disappointed when something of me is lost by one of the few in a position to know -- much less care.

One thing I've learned is that the stronger the emotion, the stronger the memory. While this fortunately means that such days as my wedding day are not completely lost to me, nor are the days that were anything but happy. Thankfully, I've always believed in living each day to its fullest & living totally in the present is always the preference but no longer really a choice. Along the way, regaining self-sufficiency has been my ultimate goal if not truly my choice either. Under the category Blessing in Disguise, I've learned to accept the help I constantly require, even if a few hopes are missed in the mix.

(_)> "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward." - the Queen in 'Through the Looking Glass' by Lewis Carroll

Viva la Vie Bohème

2006-02-19T02:46:00.000-08:00

While Bohemian at the core of my being, even I lose track of the fact that it's a state of inner being. Admittedly, it is very often reflected outwardly as well. In fact, anyone truly Bohemian at heart will have experienced some form of degradation. Most of my life has been lived less than comfortably, both literally & monetarily. No surprise that the latter typically causes the former.

Is finally having a nice apartment, not to mention working for a corporation, a betrayal of my true self? Ironically, it's the means of remaining true to myself. We have to choose our evils of this world. Honestly, selling out would have been Blockbusted, whereas Hollywood provides a job I enjoy within a construct I can respect. For the truth of the matter is that I have the wherewithal to (as Grandma still says ;->) truly "be anything" but, fortunately, not the willingness.

Not struggling from paycheck to paycheck is still the dream yet not one worth just ANY price. I have to actually enjoy what I do *and* have a modicum of freedom to be myself in the process. So, the true Bohemian life is to do just enough within the confines of 'civilized' living to enable yourself to go on living a life you grok. Thus the nice apartment, as the previous hits & misses were all part of the journey. A necessary journey en route to finding another piece of the puzzle that is ultimately me being me.

Simplistically, what's the struggle for if not to improve one's life bit by bit. Moreover, the inability to conform, by definition, takes no particular form. I do not live a life less than typically successful in order to disconnect from a homogenized, greedy world. Instead, I am unable to be typically successful due to the inability to connect to such homogenized greed. Bottom line, the determination to be oneself is one that actually does come at all costs.

(_)> "To Days Of Inspiration,
Playing Hookey, Making Something
Out Of Nothing, The Need
To Express -
To Communicate,
To Going Against The Grain,
Going Insane,
Going Mad" - Mark in 'Rent'

Why the sea is boiling hot

2006-02-09T02:34:00.000-08:00

A new year has more than begun, & nearly a year has gone by since this blog's incarnation, thus the time has come, as the Walrus said, to talk of many things.. If not shoes, ships & sealing wax then perhaps just a random tho't or two.

Inasmuch as the walrus' forum was seaside, the fact that all things have their own ebb & flow seems apropos. Although I am a poet (&, yes, my feet DO show it ;->), the give & take of each aspect of life is inescapable. Not only do each of our actions create, more obviously, reaction but, moreover, ripples. Therein lies balance in the making.

Furthermore, any inaction creates a void. Perhaps that is all that is happening when a friendship starts to wane. Granted, everything to its season &, admittedly, the shorter the life cycle - the shorter the seasons. So, the inaction that inevitably comes w/my younger friends as their lives continue growing & evolving cannot help but lessen the friendship.

However, that very lessening is a direct result of the increase in other areas of their lives which simply means our friendship has served its purpose. Upon loving who they are/were, the true appreciation was for who they yet could/might be so I find myself now - as ever - equally sad & overjoyed.

The tide will always be a cherished wonder & the power of the moon will never cease to amaze me. I only hope my own energy creates naught but good ripples...

(_)> "The...let's call them ripples... the ripples left behind are sad... but good." - God in 'Joan of Arcadia'

When did I become a joiner?!

2005-03-29T23:23:00.000-08:00

My inability, okay - unwillingness, to be anonymous has created more belongingness across the net than I have ever known in the supposedly more tangible world. Of course, the true culprit is my refusal to remain mute for long as the desire to respond inevitably leads to yet another membership somewhere. There is no denying the instant access with nearly as ready acceptance is perhaps the most appealing aspect of the internet. Whether one is grateful for the chance to be exactly who they are without pretense or thankful their persona need not make an appearance before their opinion, the expression of self is certainly more honest -- even in the deceit.

(_)> "Obscurity is the refuge of incompetence." - Jubal in 'Stranger In A Strange Land' by Robert A. Heinlein